Ask Lemmy

Wear a t-shirt that says I'm single you can talk to me.

I'm kidding. Sort of.

be in the moment

speak about the moment

if that moment isn't happening, dont force it

Probably the best thing I ever did to get random people to talk to me was growing a big curly handlebar moustache, now complimented with a long bushy beard.

My fashion choices also tend to make me stand out a bit- brightly colored Hawaiian shirts in the warmer months (I have one with pictures of the dog breed I have on it, that gets a lot of people approaching me,) occasionally a kilt (people love to ask about the kilt) interesting sunglasses, hats (used to wear a bowler occasionally, I'm less of a fan of it these days, panama hat in the summer, etc.)

Clothing and style choices are a little tricky. There's kind of a fine line between wearing something interesting that makes people want to talk to you and coming across as a fedora-wearing neckbeard who's trying too hard. Those choices have to look good on you, you have to like them and give off a bit of confidence while wearing them, and it has to be something that will catch the attention of the kind of person you want to attract.

And most importantly, you need to be able to carry a conversation from there. That's the hard part.

Having some story or a joke at the ready is a pretty good crutch to kind of get yourself over that last part. For example my go-to when people come up to me to compliment my beard/moustache is to joke that "I grew it myself" which is usually good for a chuckle, and then the ice is broken, and you can kind of try to steer the conversation from there.

I've had a lot of fun conversations with strangers and made a few friends along the way. I never personally had much luck turning that into a romantic relationship, but that was also never something I actively pursued much in general, I just kind of let things go from there and through friends who I met that way I eventually met my wife.

I’ve been approached by a woman exactly one time. We’ve now been married for 21 years.

Just get it printed on a shirt.

Along with something funny.

What you need, my friend, is a slump buster. Casual sex with a woman you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in. I don’t know if it’s a sixth (or 7th or 8th) sense that women have, but they can tell if you’ve gotten any recently. If you have, it makes you more desirable. Alternatively, a good wank before going out in public, but that’s not nearly as effective. I ended many droughts with a slump buster back in my single days.

You have to talk to them.

Try to just be friends. Try to be funny. Try to be a little irreverent. Unpredictable. Amusing.

Nice day huh?

Did you see that cool show / game last night / dog that ran by just now with a six pack of beer?!

Excuse me you look really familiar. Have we met before?

Hi I’m Fred what’s your name? (Only do this if your name is Fred otherwise it gets awkward)

If they blow you off whatever. That one was just practice.

You got this bud!

Do something poorly/dangerous in the gym, attach yourself (politely) to the person who comes to help,

Or do something you're passionate about and offer your knowledge to people who are earnestly trying their best but not doing it well (be conscience and ask if they'd like your experience to guide them)

Alternatively go hang out at an old folks home, they'd love your company, they'll regail you with stories from their glory days, and they'll probably talk you up to their family.

Volunteer your time at animal shelters/public service events.

If you're a dude and you wanna be approached by regular women and not gold-diggers, you kinda have to be cute. If you're not too handsome you will have to go outside and wait a lot, I guess, even more so if you don't give off "approachable vibes". Or you could do what most men have done since time immemorial: learn a bit about people and what makes them smile and go do that regardless of your fears.

And what is this nonsense about being progressive and "gender roles". Women are scared kittens and the mere possibility of rejection, public or not, wrecks most of their psyches. And men are hornier (else the prostitution market would look very different, lol), so they know they'll be approached eventually, at least in their younger years. You're not battling ideology, you're battling economy! You will have to make a move, unless you're handsome enough that a woman makes a cost-benefit analysis and finds the risk of EMOTIONAL DAMAGE worth the prize. You might be! If so, well, go outside. If not, you're gonna have to be brave and do the unthinkable: talk to women and risk ridicule. Most women are nice, sweet and non-confrontational, at least IME, and if you know the least about women you can tell the bad apples apart easily, so give it a go.

Get a dog, or a child; they’re chick-magnets. Even if not your own. Maybe you could take a nephew/niece/whatever to the playground once a week? Walk the neighbour’s dog for a few blocks? As someone else said, once there’s a prop, they’re not approaching you directly, they’re interacting with a common interest, and that’s a good way to meet people.

As other people have mentioned conversation starters, interesting social props, and such, I have to circle back to your original post. You spoke down of printing it on your shirt. I say, don't print "single and ready to mingle" on it. But something like, "Ask me anything", you'd be surprised. I was an information resource for a big event and they had a half dozen people in shirts that just said Ask me with a big question mark on it. After the week was over I would sometimes wear the shirt and would have lots of people stop me because of it.

Step #1 - Be attractive.

Step #2 - Be very outgoing.

Step #3 - Be ridiculously charming.

Do this, and you will attract interest from random strangers who see you being wonderful, and want to be involved in whatever you are doing and / or saying.