Please remember to bring exact change next time.

"No one else can do the work for you."

a therapist I had helped me rethink problems in terms of pragmatically adjusting my environment or conditions to nudge my behaviors rather than relying on willpower or behavioral changes that were slow or simply not happening

a small example was moving my computer out of my bedroom and developing a night-time routine that included reading a book before bed to help reduce compulsive computer use

realizing I am somewhat deterministic in my behavior, and my behavior is caused by conditions I have some influence over, was a helpful insight and got me past just constantly failing to live up to my expectations for myself and never moving past that - I can treat my psychological problems like puzzles to solve

It’s ok to look back at a painful event and have empathy for that younger person, then you can either stay there or accept any wisdom to be learned and write the next chapter but you can’t live in both places at once.

Learn to identify what you're feeling.

A really big part of therapy is learning how to communicate what happened, what is happening, and what you are feeling.

It takes a lot of time to organize it all into words that another person would understand, and doing so helps you.

The therapist might aslo reccomend what to do going forward but 9/10 times you already know that.

If you think you picked a bad partner because there's something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.

Be the leaf

What is is an anchor for what can be.

That one's from Adam Savage

Also, know that you have no control over the choices of others.

Inside every man are two wolves...

Not even kidding. I had a therapist tell me this story once. I promptly found a new therapist.

Pain is relative. Yes other people may have it worse than you. The worst pain you've felt in your life is still the worst, for you. So don't write it off so easily.

• "You don't have to be mad at yourself for that any more"

• "What good does worrying about that part of your past do your current self?"

• "Come on, now. You know that's not true"

• "Don't reply to messages from your ex'

I won at therapy a few months ago. My doctor threw up his hands and went "I don't know what to tell you. Your situation is so fucked up that I can't even offer advice. Just keep on keeping on, I guess." And that actually made me feel better.

Yes its *possible, but not plausible_

Best advice I got about my all time present self criticism was:"Imagine the self criticism or self hate in the voice of someone you don't like and don't respect. Donald Trump for example."

It makes the voice in my head that says:"You are a worthless piece of shit." entertaining at least.

"If someone met your expectations would you be mad?"

"No"

"Then maybe your expectations are too high?"

A friend of mine thinks we're due for a revolution, but isn't going to start anything unilaterally. Does that constitute "a danger to himself or others"?

"When you're fighting with someone, think of it as tug-of-war. You choose how long you hold that rope, but you can put it down, or not even pick it up. Either way, neither of you are really going anywhere until one of you chooses to walk away."

There's a member of my family I strongly dislike, so I had to work on not taking the bait.

Your life is the way it is because you've decided that it's more comfortable to leave it that way than to change it.

Srsly years and years of therapy this was the only thing that did anything for me

This has been what I do with mine. Most of it is pretty fucking "well duh" type stuff, however working with people to hold you, and you hold yourself, accountable for making progress in these ways. The part of having someone to hold you to account, this is often where a therapist is the most useful. However, in this situation, this isn't an option, so you need to reach out to others.

Take your meds. If you need meds, but can not currently access them due to finance issues, there are sources out there that may be able to help. This is not often easy to navigate, but it may be something that saves you.

Try any method you can find, that is from a reputable source, to keep your sleep on a schedule, and get at least 6 hours per night. This is way more important than many wish, but generally everyone knows it is vital to health, including mental health.

Make yourself accountable to someone for daily improvement progress - eg find a friend, family member, online gaming buddy, whatever, that you report to, on a routine basis, to report the regularity of maintaining these routines. This means whatever you need to do to keep your living space clean, and in order, routine exercise, adherence to a healthy diet, maintaining the framework to keep yourself on track, like keeping your phone calendar up date, keeping lists of chores/errands you need to do, working on maintaining a hierarchy of needs (most immediate things to do, and most important), etc. This is the big one though, this person is allowed to criticize you in your failings on this, and you need to take that criticism, and use it as a call to focus on these areas. You may need more than one person willing to help. If you are isolated, there are online groups for these things. No this isn't a great alternative, but it is better than nothing, and living in despair.

You need to audit your behavior. You need to make a record of the things you do that are mentally taxing, and thus can harm your mental health. Do you spend all day, every day, at work, or stressing about work? You need to find a place you can vent this stress, and look for advice on how to disengage with work enough stop burn out, but still do what is expected. If what is expected is just too much, you need to recognize it, and work on finding a lower stress income. Do you doom scroll? Well look into apps that help you regulate the time you spend online. Also, audit your experience with the platforms you engage with. If you find one is mostly something that adds to your stress, depression, despair, etc. work on just cutting that out completely. Look at your personal relationships, and really try to assess whether or not your relationships are healthy, if not, how can they become healthy? If there is not foreseeable way to make it healthy, go low-contact, pilot no contact. If your daily life has any improvement because you no longer maintain contact, then it is time to drop them.

Social activity. This will depend greatly on how much socializing, and what kinds, you can handle, etc. This one is much more tricky, especially since anxiety, anhedonia, and other negative aspects of your mental health really affect how hard this is. However, you need to work on getting some sort of in person social contact. It needs to be regular, and I don't mean like all the time, but that there is a routine set-up for it. Local hobby groups, activities at the local library, publicly held events you may attend, try to work out a specific time period where you, and at least one friend/family member, can spend that time together doing an agreed upon activity.

Do things that allow you to put your thoughts into more of an order than they may currently be. This could be a journal, personal blog, etc. Just something where you can dump your brain, look at what came out, and apply some structure to it.

Spend time outside. Be it with people, or alone, just force yourself to spend time outside, especially in places you can see nature, see green, etc. If you just sit there observing it, it will help to maintain wellness. This is subtle, and takes a while, however it does have a real impact.

There is more, and I can ask my therapist, when I see her this week, for resources for all this, and I can update with what she says, if she is willing, which I do not see why she wouldn't be.

Set boundaries and enforce them.