sepsis
this post was submitted on 09 Aug 2025
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Penis cola
*puts in coins and pushes button for Crystal Bepis, gets diet root beer*
*puts in coins and pushes button for Bepis this time, somehow receive trail mix, not in bag*
*Accidentally put in too much money, return button doesn't work. Push any soda button, nothing happens. Next guy gets two sodas he actually pushed the button for.*
This feels like a borked version of SCP-294
It's not an SCP. It's just a...vending machine from 1985. That's how they all worked.
I once found a vending machine where I could pay for skittles, it wouldn't give them to me, I'd get a refund, then I'd pay for them again and get TWO SKITTLES. I keep that location to myself but it was a godsend.
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(10 replies)
Change must come from within.
One "end me," please
I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me. You know, when I left the house today I was thinking "Damn, I really hope some hot chick paints my brains all over some fucking hallway." And here we are.
I mean, really, just absolutely destroy me. I'm talkin' full on, watermelon in the thighs level carnage.
And I want it to scare the shit outta me. I mean I hope I piss myself. I hope I piss myself and you call me your little "peepee pisspiss boy." I want you to fuck me up. I mean I want you to make me your bitch. Your little peepee piss myself bitch.
I want it to get embarrassing. I mean like... weirdly embarrassing. Unsanitary, too. We should be entirely different people, by the end of the first eight hours.
Do you understand what I'm trying to say here? I mean, l'm a real freak. I'm not normal.
Ma'am... Please... You have to crush me.
Edit: Link
There’s a soda machine in seattle on the sidewalk of some random street not near any store, that someone stocks with random cans of whatever. Stuff I would have bet money doesn’t exist, sometimes. Never heard anyone mention it, but when I brought it up they were like “oh yeah that haunted vending machine.”
Allison Williams of Seattle Met also notes that the neighborhood of Capitol Hill now has a more corporate culture, and doubts whether the area is "still weird enough for a persistent enigma".
Gentrification strikes again.
Yeah I loved on capitol hill a dozen years ago and even then, all the hardcore hippies and weirdos were being wrung out of the neighborhood by developers and the bubble they bring. All of Seattle is totally different from 10, 20 years ago, which is totally different from 30, 40 years ago. None of it is for the better.
There is an itch.io game inspired by it! Hated by Mastercard and VISA for minor gore.
https://neuroticfly.itch.io/interdimensional-vending-machine
RIP 😭
'was'
F
I could go for a Crystal Bepis right now.
No Mingus Dew or Bebop Cola?
WELL HELLO, CONSUMER, YES, HELLO CONSUMER, BOP BOP BOP BOP BA DOP BAH BEBOP COLA, YEAH!
You bastard!
You k*lled Ben!
Oh, Ben! Oh!
...And your babies.
Oh, oh... They're hatching.
They're orphans...
BEBOP COLA GOOOOOD!!!
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"end me"?
33cl of hydrochloric acid
furiously pressing button
If you insist
They'll also never understand the pleasure of finding a dusty machine like this on a hot day after biking a long distance, putting in a quarter and being shocked when it works(!) and the sodas are ice cold.
I like that diet rite is the only one that's not a parody
The “pepe” being green is the tell
i mean most of these are parodying the 2009 pepsi logo so idk
Dr Thirst
Fountain Mist
Family Cola
Green Thunder
Spruce Up
Fantuz
What's with the names? And the "end me"?
funy
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