Ask Lemmy

I'm a chick. Ignore this if you want.

However, I'm a slut who likes a good hook-up but had years-long monogamous relationships as well. I'm absolutely average looking and have mostly been with men who range from hot as fuck twinks to conventionally unattractive socially anxious weirdos. My last relationship was with an autistic 5'6" guy I met on a dating app, it started as a hook-up and lasted three years.

I look for chill people with passions, who know who they are and what they want. Or, are at least introspective enough to see themselves. Looks aren't a big factor, but cleanliness and effort are. The single dad angle shot doesn't do anyone any favors.

Just from looking at your comments, you're coming in here with a defeatest mindset. People who haven't had much luck can get trapped in that kind of negativity, it works its way into how they hold themselves and what they say in ways they don't even realize. I unmatch with people as soon as they bring that into the conversation. Self-deprecating humor is alright, when carefully done, but risky on first impressions. If I'm looking for a fun hook-up, I want someone who looks and sounds fun.

Lie.

Lie Lie Lie

Honestly based on your comments in this thread, you have some self improvement to do.
Saltiness is never attractive, and boy - you sound salty.

Most people are not interested in casual sex/hookups. Put effort into being someone worth pursuing.

As general advice, sexual hedonism and misanthropy don't mix well. People have to like something about you if they're going to want to have sex with you.

Now you may find a misanthrope that you vibe with but its a safe assumption that people that like people and are liked by people generally get laid more.

Also Gen Z seems to be less interested in alcohol consumption and casual sex based on most recent studies so that's probably a factor.

Women enjoy conversation.

Have profile pictures that aren't trying too hard, but show you reasonably well groomed, having fun, and at least one picture with others.

Have a basic write-up that shows a little personality, maybe make a cheesy dog joke or just something to lighten the mood.

Be honest what you're looking for but use code words. Say something like... "I've been single for a while and I'm just looking for company, friendship and whatever happens. Open to long-term just not rushing"

When you do make a match, I don't care if it humiliates you to your soul, tell a few crappy dad jokes to break the ice. It's not about quality comedy, you just have to put the woman at ease and make her smile and let her know that you can joke around together.

You can refer to getting together to have sex as getting together to watch a movie or show. You test the water by hinting that you would like to be together at one another's residence, but you don't talk about it as sex, Even though both you and the woman know you're having sex. I don't know why women are this way but it's just easier.

Maybe use a hookup app instead of a dating app if all you want is hookups.

Idk how okcupid is now but I always found it funny that it was labeled as a partner type site but most of my interactions on there just ended up being super casual sex very often

hookups as is sex or just dates?