Ask Lemmy

for men to wish to be a woman

Oh plenty of things:

having respect for others

being honest

helping the needy

fair pay for fair work

honestly considering others' perspectives

loyalty

Basically every virtue I was ever told was worthy to embody has been used against me as a weapon or a tool

And of the hundreds of people I know IRL less than 10% give any of these internal value or even attempted to put into practice

And here I've been a sucker all my life doing the proper social contract thing because I don't like the way the world is shaping up and getting CONSTANTLY bent over for it

Reading.

Or rather, how so many people seem fear and avoid it, or can't do it. Something like 21% of adults in the US are illiterate, and the majority -- 54% -- read at or below a 6th grade level.

I've been a sight reader probably since I was about six years old. I absolutely cannot look at any words legibly written in my native language and not understand them. You couldn't force me to look at words written in English and not digest them if you held a gun to my head. I fear no wall of text, no matter how tall it is.

It takes some effort to wrap your head around the notion that not only can most people not do this, but statistically speaking most or at least a plurality of people have to struggle or exert conscious effort to read and many of them are loathe to do so. And roughly one in five people simply can't. This did not sink in for me when I was younger.

I can't imagine having to live my life that way. You nerds have seen how much bullshit I write in a day; I'd go absolutely bats.

Having a constant noise in your head/ears. It was so normal to me I didnt question it for many years. I randomly asked my friends about it one day and found out most people actually dont have an old crt tv like noise in their ears (and that its the disorder tinnitus).

In my case its not very severe thankfully, I dont notice it unless Im in a silent room or Im actively thinking about it.

My first long term relationship was with a woman who could orgasm from penetration in less than a minute.

Also: aphantasia

You have no idea how pissed I was to find out all of you had a fucking superpower, would have been nice to learn this before I wasted 3 years at graphic design

Child abuse. I thought it was normal to threaten children with violence for noncompliance. I thought it was normal to be afraid to misbehave or be suboptimal in school at the threat of violence.

When I was much younger: that normal people could see much further than me.

One of my oldest memories is going into a McDonald's for the first time with glasses; I stopped and read the entire menu, because I couldn't believe normal people could read it as soon as you walked in. I always had to get up to the counter to make it out.

I got a lot better in school after that!

Having basic empathy for other living beings, actually make it through hard work alone. Having enough time for a hobby.

Physical abuse as a child.

Nobody "dresscoded" me at home. As soon as I was old enough to pick my own clothing, I could. What skirts or jeans or dresses I wore was my choice completely. My school also didn't care much.

Blew my mind when I realized how many other girls had to sneak out with their clothes because the parents had a rule against tight jeans or whatever.

I still think my parents were right with this one. The kids with the strictest rules were always those with the craziest outfits. Can't blame them, I'd have done the same.

This was a really recent realization for me. I am one of the people who can voluntarily activate the tensor tympani muscles in my ears to create a low level rumbling sound. I recently tried explaining this to someone else and they still think I am making it up.

My family was super meat-centric for all holidays except Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Any meal where it's physically possible to barbecue, we would. And a family barbecue meant hamburgers, hot dogs, chicken, pork steaks, and beef steaks -- one of each per person, plus a couple of extras. Sides were German-style slaw and potato salad. Buns were not included, but my grandma would always put a stack of white bread on the table (she was the only person who ever ate it).

When I started dating my husband and took him to a family holiday, he was shocked by the fact that my whole family was eating hamburgers and hot dogs with flatware instead of on buns. And he was actually sad at the lack of side dishes.

When I went to one of his family barbecues, I was sad that there was just one hamburger per person (already on a soggy bun) and a ton of weird casseroles.

Mine are all pretty mild.

Everyone reading all the time at home. Pretty much every room had bookcases, full to bursting with books. When I was old enough to have friends around they all said how weird it was to have so many books.

My parents were really emotionally distant. I don't recall either of them telling them they loved me - or each other for that matter. No hugs or kisses. More than one of my girlfriends called me an emotional cripple.

Home-cooked food every night. We never ate out, never had takeaway. My mum was a great cook though so although my friends seemed to think it was weird I'd never had a MacDonalds when I finally did try it I didn't understand the hype.

Oh, and the poop knife, of course.

Struggling not to act on my impulses all the time, doing foolish things before thinking and not being able to go more than a brief period without embarrassing myself. I thought everyone dealt with impulse control issues. Oh hey Adhd, nice to see you.

Standing to wipe your ass

• "Maladaptive Daydreaming"
• I have an issue with being remembered in person (at least that's what my therapist said). I will go to different chains of the same store on rotation, or stop going to a store all together if they remember me "too much." I'll wait until shift changes or that it's been long enough that they've forgotten about me. I've stopped going to certain places all together if there's no alternatives. Outside of lemmy, I have no social media. I don't want anyone to ever be able to look me up. Apparently people don't do that.
• Using different cutlery based off of meal size/how long you want to savor something (ex: You like ice cream, so you may eat it with a smaller spoon so it lasts longer.).
• Wondering what people were thinking/picturing when they bought their clothes (not in a "wow, that's ugly, what were they thinking" but what they saw themselves as. Did they see this suit and think of themselves as a ceo? Did she buy thay dress and imagine the places she'll wear it? That sort of thing).
• Having multiple paths to one place. I could get to my classes or office multiple ways. I would rotate, take these stairs one day, this elevator the next, etc.
• I believed everyone had some kind of food that would give them the boo-boos. I'm actually just lactose intolerant.

Limited joint range. I just thought that's as far as they went. It still freaks me out slightly when I see people using a normal range, as if they'd just turned their heads through 360° or bent their knees the wrong way.

Growing up in a house with hoarder parents:

• Having absurd amounts of pretty much anything standing around in the house.
• Parents going through your trash and blaming you for throwing away certain things that were 'still good to use' (they weren't).

Taking multiple shits every day, after a friend pointed it out that wasn't normal I did a lactose test and found out I've been lactose intolerant all my life.

Excruciating period pain that would leave me fainting and vomiting every. Single. Time.

"Every girl goes through this" said the doctor, convincing my parents that I was just "dramatic".

Turns out I had huge polyps growing out of control! Left scarring in my uterus and high-risk when pregnant.

Dealt with that hell every fucking month since I was 11 until I got onto birth control in my 20s.

Homophobia

I was raised in a right wing, rural area, and i didn't meet a gay person til higschool. When he said he was gay, i assumed he was joking.

Im trans now lol

I don't know if this counts, but when I was little I'd go to friends houses, then later in high school to my first serious girlfriends house, and I remember their families were like... loving? I loved spending time at my girlfriends house especially, hanging out with her Mom and her Dad even if my gf wasn't there. They were so nice, and you could tell had genuine affection for their children (and to some degree, me). I miss you Mr. and Mrs. Miller!

Excessive alcohol consumption

Synesthesia. I was about 20 before I learned it has a name and not everyone has strong colour associations for numbers and letters, or sees a visible map of time in their head, or has music take shape. It never occurred to me to question it because it's always been my norm.

That not everyone secretly wanted to be a woman.

I grew up thinking it was normal for grown men to be attracted to little girls. My mother had a habit of pointing out random men who just happened to be around and telling me they were staring at me/thinking about how beautiful I was/in love with my/trying to look up my skirt. The way she talked about it made it seem like it was a common, acceptable thing.

Not being able to see anything when closing my eyes and not constantly hearing a voice in my head. I have aphantasia and thought people were always seeking metaphorically about seeing things in their head.

I only more recently learnt that people actually hear things as well as in like an internal monologue. To me, the whole thing sounds exhausting.

I remember one day realizing it was odd that my dad would hug my mom but my mom would never hug him back. She would just stand there and let him hug her. Yeah he was an abusive husband and I was very happy for her when she finally left him after over a decade!

Rationality