Ask Lemmy

Someone isn't entitled to your money. Just say no and move on. Don't specify. They aren't entitled to know if you have money on your person. They aren't entitled to know if you can or can't spare it. One word no. No and move on with your day. No isn't sending them to prison camps. No isn't voting against benefits that ensure people at least get fed if not sheltered. Say no even if you DO donate to charities that help people. 50 50 that person is living off begging until he's got enough to buy the next hit or the next bottle.

It's not tough.

Look them in the eyes like a human being and say "sorry dude, not today".

Alternatively just carry small amounts of cash to give to them.

Another alternative is asking them if they would like some food instead.

No matter what you do, keep in mind you are very likely a small step away from homelessness yourself.

Absolutely ignore them. I will forever vote and say we need to house them and feed them, idgaf. But give them handouts from my poor ass, directly? Hellll no. Negative reinforcement through omission. Begging is not the way. I would rather them rob places and start murdering politicians. This is an entire society problem, not a me problem.

And before anybody calls me selfish, no - it's an issue of ability over scale. I can kill myself to absolutely help and try to fix one person, but it would cost me so, so much. And just like in a zombie game, if there's only one zombie, you can melee or whatever. But if there's a horde, you fix that shit with bigger guns or bring the crew.

What that means is, I'm not rich enough to fight zombies, so I'm walking away. And homeless people can ask me all they want, and I absolutely hold the social right to ignore them like any other person out there begging me to donate to their patreon or watch their ads or whatever they need in society to survive.

Fix the fucking system. Sorry, not sorry, but, capitalism, as it is right now, is not the way.

Ignore and donate to a local shelter and/or kitchen. Do not encourage street harassment. I know it sucks and I know a lot of people are hurting. But community aid should not be divided based on who is the loudest, most aggressive, or most "convincingly in need" based on appearance. (If someone is hungry or thirsty by all means hook up the people in need in your community, never hurts to share food and water)

Just shake your head no and keep walking. Anyone asking for change in the street is used to rejection

When I was younger a person who I admired said:

"I always carry some extra money in my wallet for when someone needy asks. It's not my place to decide if this person needs help or not. Maybe they will use the money for drugs, maybe they need the money for clothes for their children. When I die and get to the pearly gates, I don't want to find out that I had the opportunity to help someone who needed help and I didn't help them because I assumed they would spend the money on drugs. Maybe they will spend the money on drugs, but that's not for me to know right now."

I thought that was some of the most noble shit my early 20's ass had ever heard.

Fast-forward a few years to me and my new wife honeymooning in...San Francisco. My noble naive ass brought a wallet full of cash with me so I could help people in need. Nothing terrible happened, but I soon ran out of cash and we decided to start handing out food. NOBODY WANTED THE FOOD. They just wanted the money. I would offer food, and they would just say "do you have any money?"

Anyway, nowadays I just say "sorry bro, I don't carry cash".

In the northeastern U.S. I've mostly learned to acknowledge them, don't give anything, and move on with my life.

Not sure if it's bad luck or what, but nearly every time I've tried to be nice and offer them something it always backfires. I'll be passing by with some food and they'll ask me for some, I give them some and then they tell me it wasn't enough and to give them all the food I was carrying. Like WTF?

Another time I actually had some change on me so I gave him some and he said it wasn't enough money and started following me, wanted me to go to an ATM so I can take out more money for him. I was forced to tell him to stop following me or I'd have to call the cops.

I have even more stories like that.. going through those motions repeatedly it feels like the homeless have taught me not to give to the homeless. But hopefully your experiences have better outcomes.

Been there done that. You never, ever know what’s the story behind a beggar. If I have and feel like it and I’m not in a rush I give. This is a fucked up world.

Depends. I probably give more frequently than the average person. I live in an area with a lot of unhoused people and every encounter is different. I have seen the same people panhandling certain areas and I typically skip those, sometimes it's someone selling a newspaper specifically made for unhoused people to sell and I'll tend to buy one from them, sometimes it's someone asking by a store and I'll tell them I'll get them on the way out, if they're obviously not crazy or aggressive in response then yea I do give them something on the way out if I can. One guy walks straight up into traffic with his dog and it's never for him. Sometimes I'll have a bottle of water in the car and I will tend to give that rather than money for the intersection people.

I guess it's vibes whether I give or not. If the vibe is obviously off or dangerous, nah. I will admit to stereotyping this scenario but if it's a lady with a headscarf with kids...no that is a f'ed up scam.

But often it's just someone asking and they're not being aggressive and I'll hand them a buck and nine times out of ten they say thank you or God bless you. 1 time out 10 it isn't as nice or they might ask for more. I don't belong to a church but in some ways I like the idea of tithing so I have reframed a lot of giving out some money directly as part of that. I donate to orgs too. At the end of the day, they're people. I have no clue if or how we can solve the homelessness crisis but I have to keep reminding myself that they're people. So I try to just think of it as if I have it today this could really benefit them and it won't cost me too much to throw a buck their way.

We are also living in an era of increased fear and I am actively just trying to see people for whoever they are and having more small interactions with whoever. Striking up a little small talk with the cashier or people in line. Cracking a joke to a stranger if we both saw something kinda funny. Trying not to be naive about it and using my best judgement but I think we are losing our ability to just be with each other more and more. We all want to live in a community and have a nice neighborhood. The reality is I chose to live where I do and my community has a lot of unhoused people so I have to accept they are a part of my community. I don't believe in gated HOA type living for myself, so why should I expect that level of conformity and comfort? I'll face more discomfort but try to still live within my values in the face of it.

Aaaaand the edible has kicked in.

I wonder if the people saying they give money every time live in major cities (and walk often).

If I gave a quarter to everyone who asked me for change, I'd be out over $200 per year. Double that if they're still going to ask me on my way back (which is likely).

Some of them would also be rolling their eyes at a quarter. Some panhandlers can even become aggressive if they don't like what they get.

I'm not going to say that these people are going to waste the money on drugs, though some will (and I don't care what they do with the money, really). But I'd rather...

• Donate that money to food banks and other causes
• Not carry around unnecessary change
• Not risk pulling out my wallet in the city (in case I forget to keep the change handy)
• And NOT turn city sidewalks into tolled walkways for people who can't afford a car

As for what I do? I do the hand thing and apologize. I make eye contact (or at least look their way). If they ask again, I tell them I don't have anything. There's no reason to feel shame for not giving. Like someone else said, it's a numbers game.

If there are regulars and people who are genuinely down on their luck, then (if you have the time and willingness), you could talk to them, and maybe offer to buy them food or something.

Of course, there's always the chance that they'll bring the food back and ask for a refund. But hey, they would've used your $20 the same way.

If I am not in a position to give i look the person in the eye, smile apologetically and say, “no, sorry.” I try not to ignore them and i am never rude. No one has ever reacted badly.

I tell them the truth, I don't have any cash on me.

On the rare ocassion i do, I'll give $10 - $20. Because I've been on the position where $20 is the difference between eating today or not, and it's terrifying.

My wife & I were going into a restaurant one afternoon, and there was a man in a wheelchair with no legs below the knee sitting next door at the exit to Walmart. His sign said that he was a homeless vet. As we started in, I told my wife to hold on, and I ran over and gave him $20. When I got back, my wife said, "Did you just give that guy 20 bucks?" I said, "Yep, why?" She said, "You know he's just going to spend it on alcohol." I said, "I hope so, the guy ain't got no legs, let him have a good drink!"

I made it a personal rule that if I have a $5, it goes to whoever asks. I don't seek people out, but if it's asked, and I have that five dollar bill with me, it's theirs.

I don't usually give money but I do acknowledge them. Usually try to look them in the face and say "sorry I don't have any cash" or something like that. From having spent time with a few of them (I used to work the night shift at a restaurant and often let people hang out or have a coffee), something that hurts many of them is the dehumanization.

Of course if its not just someone asking for money but someone clearly having a mental breakdown, I do my best not to engage because you never know how that could be taken.

I say "sorry not today" or something similar but also offer food if I have it. I've usually got a Clif bar or something. Also nice to have emergency blankets for winter hand outs.

Edit: just remember they are people too. Regardless of their current situation. Some might have mental health issues, others maybe substance abuse problems, some might just be down on their luck and unable to find work. Treat them with the respect you would want if you were in their shoes.

When I was driving through an area frequently that had a large amount of homeless I'd pack a few extra sandwiches, granola bars and bottles of water to give out. I also kept gallon bags and a large bag of dog food for those who had dogs. I never once had someone turn down food and ask for money instead.

Have to pretend they're not there. It's awful. But I don't think that if I give them a few quid they'll turn their life around

I prefer to donate to food banks

I ask them to come inside the store and I’ll buy them some food.

If they decline, oh well. If they agree, I happily pay for some food for them.

Some of these encounters have broke my heart, others have just reiterated what most people assume when it comes to these things.

If I don’t want to give them money, I just say “sorry I don’t have any cash.” Easy Peasy.

I walk faster because I don't know if they are asking for themselves, checking to steal from you (checking who has money, how much and if it's kept somewhere they can easily take it) or working for someone worse to kidnap you.

Living in México City does wonders to paranoia.

I lived in a rough neighborhood for a good while. It hardens you to it a bit. I just say I don’t have anything for them.

Homeless people endure constant hardship, abuse and dehumanising behaviour. I might not give money, but I'm careful to avoid dehumanising them.

1. You can carry around smaller denominations if you do want to give something.

2. If they're close to a convenience store then I offer to go in and buy something for them (tell them a budget and ask about and preferences or restrictions).

3. If I'm not going to give anything, I still make eye contact, try to have a sympathetic smile on my face and say something like "I'm sorry, do take care". I don't know if this is dumb or patronising, but I'm trying to avoid being dehumanising as the constant response they get is for people to avoid eye contact, walk around with a wide gap or ignore completely. I want to try to at least acknowledge and respond.

i gave them once, only realized they were lying about thier injury, never again. i just dont have money, but some homeless people can be aggressive/passive aggressive if you dont give them money.

I live in a big city of an decently big country. Here we got many of them particularly around large train stations. I never give to them any money. Reason is - this country has a safety system in order to help people in need like this. If homeless people go against the rules (crime, drugs, abuse of the system) they get kicked out of the shelters. They get help with all sorts of things there and if they really are in dire situation and want to get back to normal life, they would get all necessary help they ever need and more. If they got kicked out, I believe they didn't really wanted to get back their normal life. And in some cases, I see just youth smoking weed on the side of the street and begging for money. They are not in need, they have families and homes. They just collect money for weed. Fuck those guys, really.

I give money to street performers all the time. This brings life and color to the city.

If I have cash, I'll give it. I don't give a shit whether they're being honest or not. My generosity is not tempered by the dishonesty of others.

I just apologize and move on, never had a bad experience. I do feel bad afterwards, but I'm from LATAM and it's basically a 50/50 wether you get ripped off or not, so I'm not risking it.

NYC, we just ghost everyone that’s not directly involved in our life. My day consists of ghosting the entire city until I get to work

I just tell them I've only got my card on me and keep walking.

As physical money is becoming more and more obsolete this is becoming less of a lie. And I certainly don't carry change on me anymore.

I used to give them whatever small change/bills I had on me, but then I realized that effectively added up to another monthly bill and I'm trying to save up for a home and need to have rainy day money in case my car eats shit. I vote to help them every chance I get and that is enough. If that isn't enough, then that's our system's fault, not my personal fault.

This isn’t the best approach necessarily, but it’s a feel-good thing: If they’re intercepting me as I go to a store, I refuse to give money, but offer to buy them something to eat inside (or whatever else they need). I hold to those promises and they’re generally grateful.

I also sometimes give money if someone isn’t actively accosting about it. It’s down to what I can afford, too.

My standard is to say something like "I don't have any cash to share, good luck to you though." I work in homeless services and know a ton of folks who survive on panhandling. In my area, people have no problem finding food, there are a ton of social service orgs and churches that provide food daily.

The following is not a judgment and is a generalization that is far from universal. This is just a description of what I commonly observe. The unfortunate reality is that much of the money people get from panhandling goes to purchasing cigarettes, alcohol, meth, K2, crack, and/or fentanyl. For this reason I avoid giving people money directly.

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone, and if you feel bad for not giving someone money because you feel the inequality, consider donating your time or money to organizations in your area that are doing the work to help people gain employment or housing, meet their basic needs, or treat their physical or mental health needs.